it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
