i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
