im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
