yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
