And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want to be your penis for a week.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
