I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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