Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
