can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
