mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
