I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
