Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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