you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
