so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
