I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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