Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
