Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
