There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
