Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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