So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
