i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
