When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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