Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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