I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
