I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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