I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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