I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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