I smell stomach acid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
