Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
