So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
