I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So squirting runs in the family.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
