My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
