she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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