Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
