We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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