I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
