I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
