A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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