You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
