Tell her she can't have a vagina
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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