Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
no you cant smoke seaweed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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