i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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