what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
