Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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