It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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