Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
