Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
