I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
