Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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