He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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