She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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