last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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