If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
