Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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