Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
