a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
