If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
