is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
